Letting Go

I approach life as an adventure. What will the next phase in my life look like? What will be its challenges, benefits, difficulties? For me each phase has been a pile of presents under a Christmas tree waiting to reveal its surprises. In some cases, the surprise was the equivalent of the coal in the Christmas stocking or the Ugly Christmas sweater, in others a fabulous and entirely unexpected gift. Mostly it’s just been darned interesting and filled with twists and turns, like the plots of my novels.

My twenties and thirties were about my journey of self-discovery and achieving my goals. Along the way I married and became a mom. If I were to write a letter to my younger self, it would include this advice: “Be kind to yourself and appreciate the collagen in your skin while you have it.”

When I was in my mid-forties I experienced a renaissance. Shortly after getting divorced and vowing I would never marry again, I met the man I would later marry, who is the love of my life. I discovered the joys of married life that had eluded me in the past while experiencing some hills and valleys in my career.

In my fifties, I was in a good place. My kids were grown and flown. My marriage was solid (still is) even if the roof of the house where we were living at the time leaked. The biggest surprise was publishing my cookbook, SOMETHING WARM FROM THE OVEN. The marriage of my two loves, writing and baking, it never would have happened if I hadn’t been approached by a cookbook editor who made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I discovered hidden reserves and talents when I wrote a cookbook and a novel in the same year while testing over a hundred recipes. When I went on the road to publicize my cookbook I discovered I could bake and talk on camera at the same time (not as easy as it looks!)

My sixties have been about letting go. Letting go of expectations and in some cases long-held dreams. Letting go of toxic or unfulfilling relationships. Lightening up on passing judgment on myself and others. I’ve gotten better about changing what I can change and accepting what I can’t. I’ve gotten out of the “results business,” as my husband calls it. As in, expecting a certain outcome from a particular action. I’ve discovered the freedom in doing what I feel is right for me or someone else and letting the chips fall as they may.

Most recently, I’ve had to let go of foods I love. Grrrrr. I discovered that I can’t eat what I want and expect to feel good all the time. I’m not talking about junk food. I’ve eaten healthy my entire life. I’m talking about staples like bread & milk products. Both are known to cause inflammation and now that I have a touch of arthritis in my joints, I have to be more mindful than ever of what I eat. I ain’t gonna lie. There are times I feel seriously deprived when I have to pass on the bread basket or an entrée that includes cheese made from cow’s milk at a restaurant. I’m not a fan of gluten-free bread, so I choose to go without rather than eat what I consider a poor substitute. That said, I’ve found recipes for things like gluten-free crackers that are every bit as delicious as crackers made with wheat flour. In short, I’ve learned to adapt and focus on what I CAN eat rather than what I CAN’T eat. I’m including the recipe for my gluten-free crackers here, which are as easy to make as they are delish. Even if you still eat gluten you’ll love them, I guarantee.
What will the next phase of my life hold? God only knows. I only know it’ll be full of surprises, and hopefully, good things to eat.

Eileen’s Yummy Gluten-free Crackers
Makes roughly 3 dozen crackers.
¾ cup gluten-free flour (such as Bob’s Red Mill Gluten-free Flour)
2/3 cup almond meal (also sold as almond flour)
¼ teaspoon baking powder
2 tablespoons flaxseed meal
½ teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary
5 tablespoons olive oil
Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit
In the bowl of a food processor place flour, almond meal, baking powder, flaxseed meal, salt and rosemary. Pulse to blend. Add the oil and pulse until crumbly. Add cold water 1 tablespoon at a time and pulse until a rough dough forms (about 6-7 tablespoons total). Turn dough onto a lightly floured surface and roll to 1/8-inch thickness. Cut into squares (they don’t have to be even or pretty). Using a thin metal spatula, transfer squares to an ungreased baking sheet. Bake for 20-22 minutes, until slightly golden brown. Be careful not to burn.
Keeps covered at room temperature for up to a month, though I guarantee they won’t last that long.