I have COVID. My husband has COVID. Together we’re the infirmary in the sky on the 29th floor of our building here in NYC. We had to cancel our weekend plans to visit Sandy’s brother and sister-in-law for Sandy’s birthday. We’re quarantining for the next five days. Fortunately, I had done a major grocery shop days before I tested positive, so I’m stocked up on provisions. Also, getting food delivered isn’t a problem. We live in the land of services like Grub Hub and Door Dash. I see the Grub Hub delivery guys hanging out on the corner near where we live with their bikes every time I walk by.
Our relatively mild cases of COVID are more of an inconvenience than anything else. It’s also a reminder of the vows we exchanged on our wedding day nearly 26 years ago. When Sandy and I vowed to love, honor, and cherish each other in sickness and in health, I had no idea what that would look like. I’d never had a supportive partner in my previous marriages so it wasn’t part of my experience. I was also considerably younger and in better health then than I am now. My first glimpse of what “in sickness” might look like was when I became seriously ill a few years into marriage. I’ll spare you the details. Suffice it to say I was one sick puppy when I was admitted to the hospital, where I stayed for two weeks. You could call it Sandy’s litmus test. Which, I’m happy to report, he passed with flying colors. After my first night, with a roommate who conducted loud conversations on the phone and had her TV blaring at all hours, I told Sandy I thought I’d die if I had to stay another night in that room—I needed sleep to recover, though I’d been told there were no private rooms available. That was all Sandy needed to take action. He left and returned with coffee and donuts for all the nurses on my floor. He then chatted with them and sufficiently charmed them into scaring up a private room for me. Sick as I was, I remember vividly the moment I was wheeled into my quiet room. I thought, “If I didn’t already know the kind of man I married, I know now.” That was the day my recovery began. It was also the day my marriage earned its first stripe.
Sandy and I have weathered other illnesses since then. There was a time he was diagnosed with pneumonia the day we moved into our condo. I’d never seen him so sick. He was too weak to lift a finger to help with the unpacking, when he normally would have been pitching in, doing his part. Then there was the time I broke a bone in my foot tripping over my suitcase while we were in Albuquerque, getting ready to come home from a trip. Sandy felt he was at fault for having called to me to hurry and causing me to trip and fall in my haste. So maybe he was a tad more solicitous than usual, and maybe, just maybe, I milked it for all it was worth, thinking it was kind of his fault (though I never told him that).
My point is, we’ve been through the wringer together. I don’t have any doubt we’ll be the old couple taking care of each other till the bitter end. I remember something that was said to me long ago that’s stuck with me all these years. It was while my ex-husband and I were in couples therapy. The therapist, whose husband, Jerry, was in the final stages of a terminal illness at the time, said, “I would rather have Jerry in his current state than any other man on the planet.” That was I realized my marriage was unsalvageable because I didn’t feel that way about my then husband. I also thought “I want what she has.” I wanted a partner to whom I would be as committed to as she was to hers. Now I have that. And it’s made all the difference.
You never think of the sickness part until you’re deep in it. I’m in it with my hubby the past almost 3 mos. I would do anything for him. He’s been in and out of the hospital. So many test.
Oh, dear. I wish you both the best and I hope your husband gets better soon. He’s lucky to have you.
You never know what’s coming. 8n November 2019, I should have been hospitalized overnight, but the doc who wrote the admitting orders deliberately changed the dosing of one. It threw me into a medically-induced delirium from which it took me over a year to recover.
I mean disoriented x 4, in a wheelchair because I didn’t know how to walk, etc. Through it all my husband was there, even though he didn’t know if he’d ever have his wife back or not.
Now, it’s my turn. He has Parkinson’s and Lewy Body Dementia, and I die a little inside every day. But I remember the young man I loved so desperately–the one I promised always to care for. And I do. We’re in our 52nd year of marriage, and still as committed as ever to each other.
Sadly, unlike with Covid, there’s no recovery from what he has. I wish you both a speedy one.
So sorry to hear of your troubles, Bette! How devastating. You and your husband are an inspiration to the rest of us. I was reminded of the strength of the human spirit yesterday while I was watching a video of Joni Mitchel performing at the Newport
Jazz Festival. Joni had to relearn to walk and talk, and sing, after a debilitating stroke. And she sang a beautiful rendition of her classic song “Both sides now,” which brought tears to my eyes. Well worth watching
Sorry to hear of your current illness, however with all you have survived, this will be a memory soon. Each of your fans can list illnesses if we are over that age, which my husband and I are. Quadruple bypass heart surgery, total shoulder replacement, knee surgeries, breast biopsies, and of course serious colds.
Glad you have one another to help recover.
Be well and get back to life.
Regards, Lois
Thanks, Lois! Sounds like you’ve weathered some storms, too. I guess we’ve reached that age. But I feel blessed to have a supportive partner. It makes all the difference.
I hope you both recover quickly and have no lasting side effects. Sounds like you have mild cases fortunately. Take the time to conjure up another fabulous book🙏🙏
I never stopped writing, which says something. I don’t remember when I was ever too sick to write. It’s the best medicine for me. Takes me out of myself.
We too, have covid! Hang in! Glad u found a wonderful partner. I have, too, after a disastrous 20 year+ marriage. I gave up & by chance, met an amazing man & got a second chance. Never knew how good life could b.
Oh, no. You too? Sorry to hear it. But I imagine you’re on the mend now, as are we. Yes, we’re lucky to have supportive partners. It’s not my first rodeo, either.
So glad you and Sandy have each other. Covid be damned. Be well soon.
Thank you. We’re both on the mend.
Sorry to hear about your illness and enjoy the extra time together. David and I grew to love the COVID lockdown for all the time together without the pesky interruptions of shopping, eating out, etc. I’m so happy you two found each other and have built a beautiful life together. You’re both very special human beings…
Thank you, Janet. I feel very lucky to have found Sandy and know he feels the same about me. Like you and David, we enjoyed our time together during lockdown, and our recent quarantine reminded us of it. We celebrated Sandy’s birthday during quarantine. Happy to report we’re on the mend now.
Happy to know that you both are recovering, and have all that you need in hand! There is nothing like a happy marriage !! Congratulations to both of you…
I love your books… Have read them all..
Hoping for more to come!!
Thanks! Even while I was sick with COVID, I was still writing. Hope to have book news soon. Stay tuned.
I hope you will be feeling better soon. You are so lucky to have each other!
I agree! We take care of each other.