How full is my bucket? It varies from one day to the next. After a day of writing when my brain is squeezed like a lemon or a day of doctor appointments, or dealing with a family problem, my answer might be “enough to wet my whistle” or “bone dry.”
That said, the well I draw from is deep and ever-replenishing. It is the well of my friendships. When I’m feeling low or I’m stressed about something, I have only to call or text a friend, or my sister Karen who is also one of my best friends, for an instant recharge. This morning I texted my friend Jen Tucker because I was feeling anxious about a scheduled mammogram. She texted back, “You’ve got this! Close your eyes and think of beach time,” and sent a video of the beach we’d walked on days earlier when we were in Florida with another dear friend, Julie Valerie. I felt loved and reassured. Instead of imagining the worst while my boobs are the wringer, I will think of Jen and our lovely late afternoon walk on the beach.
When I was in elementary school, I was a shy, sensitive kid who “cried the drop of a hat,” according to one of my teachers. I would tear up if I had to ask my teacher for an extra piece of construction paper for a class art project. My first experience performing onstage was singing “You are my sunshine,” in a school production. The audience laughed midway through my song. I burst into tears and ran off the stage. Looking back, I realize those people were laughing with me, not at me because I was a cute kid singing my heart out (though not very well). But at the time it was humiliating. In school, I was bullied by a group of mean girls. My two friends, Elaine and Katina, were my salvation. On the rare days both were homesick I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall rather than face the torment of the mean girls at lunchtime alone. When I was with my friends, I could face an army of mean girls.
Friendship is the common thread that has run through every phase of my life. My girlhood friend Kay and I shared our own, made-up language, from the days when we used certain code words so our parents wouldn’t know what we were talking about if they overheard us. Kay is no longer with us but I still smile remembering our “secret” language.
I met my friend Kathee at a writers conference when I was in my early twenties. When I discovered she lived around the corner from me, a lifelong friendship was born. She is the person I have turned to for advice, comfort, or a needed kick in the pants for the past 40+ years. She never minces words. She is honest, sometimes brutally so (in a good way). Her advice is always spot-on and she always has my back.
My writer friends have played a key role in my life and career. We’ve supported each other throughout our writing processes, rejections and other disappointments. We encourage and spark ideas for one another. They include my creative “other half,” critique partner Donna Ball, who guides me when I’ve strayed too far off a creative path and often lights the way. My “pack:” Jen Tucker, Josie Brown, Julie Valerie, Meredith Schorr, Samantha Bailey, and Francine LaSala. We call ourselves the Beach Babes because we meet once a year for a long weekend at a beach house in Santa Cruz, California. Think sleepover/girls’ weekend and writers’ retreat rolled into one. We hang out together in our PJs in the mornings. We talk, we laugh, we brainstorm, and we cry together. The rest of the year we stay in touch through group emails and Zoom chats. When we can’t all be together, we meet in smaller groups. Like I did with Jen and Julie on our recent trip to Amelia Island in Florida. We had the best time. The three of us even got to celebrate Julie’s birthday together!
Other friends, including the friends I’ve made online or through my work, such as my friend Deborah Kunzie who is both a treasure and marvel, some of whom I’ve never met in person, never fail to brighten my day or lift my spirits.
There’s also my all-female online writers’ group, Gutenberg Angels. I’ve met some of the women. Others I know only from our interactions online. We’re a fiercely loyal and supportive bunch. We support each other in good times and bad times. We share each other’s writerly (and sometimes life) frustrations and woes. We promote each other’s book promotions and book releases.
While I was walking on the beach with Jen last week I thought “There’s no place else I’d rather be.” I treasure my friendships more than words can express. Certain family members might disappoint me or cause me stress from time to time; my friends never do. When I’m feeling low, I can always go to that well and draw from it. How full is my bucket when I do? Filled to brimming with everything I could want or need.
Meredith says
I love you so much, Eileen and am truly HONORED to be one of the pack! Good luck with the mammogram: you’ve got this!
Eileen Goudge says
Thanks, Meri! Mammogram went okay. Haven’t heard any bad news, at any rate. I feel blessed to have you as a friend and as my “person.”
Deborah Kunzie says
Thank you Eileen for including me within your circle of friends. It is and has been a complete joy knowing and working with you over the years. Many more to come!
Eileen Goudge says
Mutual Admiration Society. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Deb!
Audrey O’Brien Loggia says
What a lovely tribute to “friends”!!
They really do provide an almost indefineable place in our lives…One of the major problems with growing older is that you start losing them…
Thank you, as always, for your fabulous, uplifting books. I just finished the Carson Springs Trilogy…and hate to let it go! I believe that I have read ALL of your books now…. I sincerely hope there are more to come.
Eileen Goudge says
Thank you, Audrey! Speaking of friends, what would I do without you and the other friends I’ve made online? Your kind words about my post and books brightened my day. You’ll be happy to know I just finished a new book. Don’t have a pub date yet, but will let you know when I do.
Glenda says
Beautiful words. I have a best friend/ turned sister of 36 yrs. that we talk about anything and everything.
Eileen Goudge says
Friends and sisters are the best.